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Dagens joke
vandango
I got so drunk last night I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest.
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Boes
After landing my new job as a Tesco greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day. Here’s what happened:
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, chavy woman walked into the store along with her two kids, shouting and swearing at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Tesco."
I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly chav woman stopped swearing long enough to say, "Don't be f*****ng stupid. Of course they aren't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one' s 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone f***** you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Tesco."
My Supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
Boes

"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
Boes
I need advice! I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs: The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with the girls a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep. Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not home. So, I hid in the garage, behind my boat and waited for her. When she came home, she got out of someone's car, buttoning her blouse. Then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, while crouching behind my boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket??? Plz any help would be appreciated i plan to go fishing this weekend!!
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
Boes
There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We have all heard of people having Guts or having Balls. But do you really know the
difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you
still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on
the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Baby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically, speaking there is No difference in the outcome.
Both are fatal.Dead
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
Boes
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the

subject,and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos ofcappuccino,
and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of
the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her
hole.

The voice came once more,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

She stopped, looked skyward! and said,

"IS THAT YOU LORD?"

_THE VOICE REPLIED,_

_"NO!!!_

_THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK!"_
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
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