. Det er fanme alverdens ting man kan få lavet nu om dage. 
Nyheder
Se indlæg
 Dagens joke
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| Anjin |
Lagt på d. 12/02-2015 10:38
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 Øvet medlem  Antal indlæg: 170 |
I forlængelse af HB s joke, så har jeg hørt at det skulle være ganske vist, at det var en historie fra den virkelige verden . Det var jo faktisk en win-win situation for såvel hende som for Paul, men det endte desværre i en retsag. Paul var meget utilfreds med, at hver gang han kløede sig i øret, så løb det i vand. |
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| Papa |
Lagt på d. 12/02-2015 19:59
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 Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 245 |
Yonok skrev: En kvinde kommer hjem og fortæller sin gemal: "Kan du huske alle de hovedpiner jeg har haft alle disse år? De er væk!" "Ikke flere hovedpiner?" Spørger manden. "Hvad er der sket?" Hans kone svarer: "Marie fortalte mig om en hypnotisør, og han sagde at jeg skulle stå foran et spejl, stirre på mig selv og gentage: "Jeg har ikke hovedpine" "Jeg har ikke hovedpine" "Jeg har ikke hovedpine" Og det virkede, alle hovedpinerne er forsvundet" "Åh, det er vidunderligt" udbryder hendes mand. Hans kone siger så: "Du ved, at du ikke præcist har været nogen tyr I sengen de sidste år, hvorfor prøver du ikke at gå til hypnotisøren, for at se om han kan gøre noget?" Tøvende siger manden ja til at prøve det. Efter hans konsultation, kommer manden hjem, flår tøjet af, griber sin kone og bærer hende ind i soveværelset. Han lægger hende på sengen og siger "Rør dig ikke, jeg er straks tilbage." Han går ud på badeværelset og efter et par minutter kommer han tilbage, hopper I seng og elsker hedt med sin kone, som hun aldrig er blevet elsket før. Hans kone siger "WOW, det var vidunderligt!" Manden siger "Rør dig ikke, jeg er straks tilbage." Han går igen ud på badeværelset og runde to var meget bedre end den første. Konen sætter sig op helt forvirret og udbryder "Du gode GUD!" Manden siger igen "Rør dig ikke, jeg er straks tilbage." Og igen går han tilbage til badeværelset. Denne gang følger konen efter ham ganske stille, og hun ser ham stå foran spejlet og sige: "Hun er ikke min kone!" "Hun er ikke min kone!" "Hun er ikke min kone!" Hans begravelse finder sted næste lørdag klokken 13:00. 
"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that."  |
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| Asian Farmer |
Lagt på d. 13/02-2015 04:40
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 Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 445 |
A man was addressing the ball when an announcement came over the loud-speaker: "Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the Ladies' tee box." The man backs away, a little distracted, then approaches his ball again. As he does, the same announcement comes over the loud-speaker: "Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the Ladies' tee box." The man is getting irritated now, and after backing away from his shot, approaches his ball one more time. This time the announcement came: "We really need the gentleman on hole number one to move off of the Ladies' tee box!" To which the man turns around and yells: "And I really need the announcer to shut up and let me play my second shot!" |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 14/02-2015 08:35
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 Ekspert medlem  Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Three men awaited execution by firing squad in the condemned cell, from which the site of their forthcoming ordeal could be clearly seen. The first, an Englishman, was taken out and stood against the wall. As the firing squad raised their rifles, he suddenly shouted "Avalanche!" at the top of his voice. The soldiers looked about in alarm, threw down their rifles and fled in blind panic. Taking advantage of the momentary chaos, the Englishman scuttled away as fast as his legs would carry him and escaped. The second condemned man. a Scot, seeing the success of this ploy, when his turn came shouted "Flood!", with exactly the same highly successful effect, and off he scampered, freed. The third man, an Irishman, impressed by the initiative of his colleagues, determined to follow suit. As the rifles were raised and fingers curled around the triggers, he yelled "Fire!" 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| karstenf |
Lagt på d. 17/02-2015 09:02
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 Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 130 |
Carlsberg reklame set i Khon Kaen lufthavns restaurant den 14/2 2058. [img]https://www.koonmassage.dk/images/WP_20150214_003.jpg[/img] is not a valid Image. Så forstår jeg at der til tider at lange vent tider, når de skal godkende denne slags skilte. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 18/02-2015 06:06
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Received by text: Hi Pete. This is Alan next door. I’m sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you. I’ve been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face but I am at least now telling in text as I can’t live with myself a moment longer without your knowing. The truth is, I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you, particularly in the mornings after you’ve left for work. I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse I know. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies. My wife has known for some time now and I’ve promised her that it won't happen again. Regards, Alan. Pete, feeling anguished and betrayed, immediately went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife twice in the head, killing her instantly. He returned to the lounge where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone to respond to the neighbour's text and saw he had another message: Hi Pete, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the slight typo on my last text, I expect you worked it out anyway, but as I’m sure you noticed, my predictive text changed ‘WiFi' to ‘Wife’. Hope you saw the funny side of that. Regards, Alan. 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 18/02-2015 10:55
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing and would therefore never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about the missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is." The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?" Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!" The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house." The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 19/02-2015 05:33
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his. 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 19/02-2015 10:08
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
The Real Life "Fifty Shades Of Gray".... Back and forth . . . . Back and forth . . . . In and out . . . . A little to the right . . . . A little to the left . . . . She could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . . Between her breasts . . . . And, trickling down the small of her back . . . . She was getting near to the end. He was in ecstasy . . . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved . . . Forwards then backwards. Again . . . . and, again . . . . Her heart was pounding now . . . . Her face was flushed . . . . She moaned . . . . softly at first, then began to groan louder . . . . Finally . . . . totally exhausted . . . . she let out a piercing scream . . . . She shouted: "OK, OK, you smug bastard, I can't parallel park. You do it!" |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 20/02-2015 12:50
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
Beware of older men.... A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am. 'About 32,' is the reply.' 'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.' The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.' Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question. The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.' Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!' While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.' They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.' He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay.....How old am I?' He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.' Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?' 'I was behind you at McDonalds' |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 21/02-2015 09:34
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Scorereplikker ?? - og svar Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there calls you a sl*t. ************************************************************* Man: Is this seat empty? Woman:Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: There's no need to get on your knees and s*ck me off just yet. ************************************************************* Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: That's cool, cause after I'm done sh*gging you in the back of my car, I don't give a sh*t where you go. ************************************************************* Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: That explains the moustache then! ************************************************************* Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised. Man: No problem, I'll just shoot my load up your a***. ************************************************************ Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? Man: Probably, cause you seem like the kind of chick that is impossible to shake off once you've been sh*gged. (OOPS... OUCH... ) ************************************************************* Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: I'd rather eat glass. Man: I think you mis-heard me. I said you look fat in those pants. ************************************************************* Man: You're pretty... Woman: P*ss off. Man: Don't interrupt, You're pretty f***'n ugly. User avatar Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there calls you a sl*t. ************************************************************* Man: Is this seat empty? Woman:Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: There's no need to get on your knees and s*ck me off just yet. ************************************************************* Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: That's cool, cause after I'm done sh*gging you in the back of my car, I don't give a sh*t where you go. ************************************************************* Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: That explains the moustache then! ************************************************************* Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised. Man: No problem, I'll just shoot my load up your a***. ************************************************************ Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? Man: Probably, cause you seem like the kind of chick that is impossible to shake off once you've been sh*gged. (OOPS... OUCH... ) ************************************************************* Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: I'd rather eat glass. Man: I think you mis-heard me. I said you look fat in those pants. ************************************************************* Man: You're pretty... Woman: P*ss off. Man: Don't interrupt, You're pretty f***'n ugly. 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 21/02-2015 10:51
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
"If we manage to convince the Chinese that Jihadists' testicles are aphrodisiacs, within ten years they'll have disappeared..." What a great idea !! That would give the rhinos, sharks and elephants a break – a double edged benefit to the world. 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Yonok |
Lagt på d. 22/02-2015 05:58
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Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 442 |
http://1drv.ms/1z... |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 22/02-2015 22:28
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 Superadministrator  Antal indlæg: 6782 |
Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| Asian Farmer |
Lagt på d. 23/02-2015 05:08
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Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 445 |
The Golf Course Or... Four married guys go golfing. While playing the 4th hole, the following conversation took place: 1st Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend." 2nd Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife I will build a new deck for the pool." 3rd Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife I will remodel the kitchen for her. They continued to play the hole when they realized that the 4th guy hadn't said anything. So they asked him, "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?" 4th guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. and when it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, 'golf course or intercourse?' And she said, "Wear your sweater". |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 23/02-2015 08:33
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
The Polite Way to Pee During Her Daily One of Classes, a teacher,. trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:. 'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner. with a nice young lady, how would you. tell her that you have to go. to the bathroom? ' Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'. The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be Rude and impolite. What About You Sherman, You Say How would it? '. Sherman said: 'I AM Sorry, but I Really Need. to Go to The bathroom. I'll be Right back. '. 'That's better, but it's still not very nice. to Say The Word bathroom at The Dinner T a ble. And how about you little Johnny,. can you use your brain for once and. tell us what you would say. Johnny said: 'I would Say: Darling, May I please be. excused for a Moment? I have to shake hands with a. very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce You to After Dinner. ' The teacher fainted.
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Yonok |
Lagt på d. 24/02-2015 12:14
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Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 442 |
AK ja,Jensen havde IGEN glemt konens fødselsdag og hun skriger:Hvis du skal redde den,skal der imorgen naar jeg kommer hjem staa en lille fiks ting i indkørslen-vel at maerke en paa 4 hjul,der kan gaa fra 0=-140 paa 4 sekunder. Som lovet har jensen stillet den i indkørslen-en badevaegt Jensens begravelse finder sted i weekenden. |
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| Kim Ludvigsen |
Lagt på d. 24/02-2015 12:28
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2627 |
Jeg synes, der er rigeligt mange mænd, der dør i denne tråd.
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| Yonok |
Lagt på d. 24/02-2015 14:28
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Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 442 |
ja-trist |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 27/02-2015 06:56
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Hvad er klokken ? https://www.youtu...xhss?rel=0 "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Spring til debat: |
