. Det er fanme alverdens ting man kan få lavet nu om dage. 
Nyheder
Se indlæg
 Dagens joke
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 07/11-2015 08:39
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 Ekspert medlem  Antal indlæg: 2688 |
"Ive outlived my dick." A Poem - by Willie Nelson My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out. What used to be my pride and joy, Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord, From my trousers it would spring. But now I've got a full time job, To find the friggin thing. It used to be embarrassing, The way it would behave. For every single morning, It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches, It sure gives me the blues , To see it hang its little head, And watch me tie my shoes!! __________________ Hard work never killed anybody but why take the chance. Actually it was written 5 years ago for his 75th Birthday bussorah.wordpress.com/2010/12/12/willie-nelsons-75th-birthday-poem/ "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 07/11-2015 15:39
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 Superadministrator  Antal indlæg: 6782 |
Nååå sååå: http://ekstrablad...on/5812351 Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| Thomas72 |
Lagt på d. 07/11-2015 21:45
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 Erfarent medlem  Antal indlæg: 1392 |
[img]http://www.torbengeist.dk/Animerede%20Billeder/6beer.gif[/img] is not a valid Image.
Til Jer der rejser til Thailand for første gang, pas på!.
Thailand er vanedannende, stærk vanedannende!. Jeg ved hvad Jeg taler om. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 08/11-2015 08:12
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Engelsktime..... "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 09/11-2015 16:16
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
He turned to his wife in bed and whispered, " Did you know it`s National Orgasm Day?" " Oh what a pity," she smiled " Right in the middle of National Headache Week!!!!!" 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 10/11-2015 09:10
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started..... My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said,'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started... I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started..... My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started... When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started... My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 165 in about 2 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started...... After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.' And then the fight started... My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." And then the fight started........ I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?' That's how the fight started. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 10/11-2015 10:07
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
http://ekstrablad...%20DANMARK "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 11/11-2015 07:19
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A rich Arab walks into a crowded bar and is about to order a drink, when he sees a guy close by wearing a Jewish cap, a prayer shawl/tzitzis and traditional locks of hair. He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish. So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Jew over there." Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Jew gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says, "Thank you !" in an equally loud voice. This infuriates the Arab. He once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Jew. As before, this does not seem to bother the Jewish guy. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!" He does this once again for the third time, but not for the Jew again. The Arab gets real cranky so he asks the bartender, "What the hell is the matter with that Jew? "I have ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar, all 200 of them, except him and all the silly b****** does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?" "Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 12/11-2015 06:53
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Once upon a time there lived a King. The King had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; Metal, Wood, Stone, Anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.' The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth. THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE. The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly . The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the Princess, 'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.' The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The King was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after. Question: What was in the Prince's pants? M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. What were you thinking? I WORRY ABOUT YOU SOMETIMES! "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 12/11-2015 23:47
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Superadministrator Antal indlæg: 6782 |
Selvfølgelige en Playstation 4, havde det været en Xbox One så havde han sat sig for at s.... i stedet. http://www.livele...d_player=0 Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 14/11-2015 08:39
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and she agreed. He asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used it, the answer was "Yes." Asked how she used it, she said, "To assist sexual intercourse." The interviewer was amazed. He said, "I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge; but I know that most use it for sexual intercourse. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?" "Yes, we put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 14/11-2015 08:41
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
One morning recently a young woman got out of bed, slipped into her robe, raised the shade, uncovered the parrot, put on the coffee pot, answered the phone. She heard an masculine voice say; "Hello, honey. My ship just hit port and I'm coming right over." So the young lady took the coffee pot off the stove, covered up the parrot, pulled down the shade, took off her robe, got into bed, and heard the parrot mumble: ... "Kee-rist, what a short f******g day that was!" "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 15/11-2015 21:18
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Superadministrator Antal indlæg: 6782 |
 Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 17/11-2015 07:33
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A group of guys, all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitresses there were gorgeous with tight skirts, lean legs, perky breasts and nice butts. Ten years later, aged 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food and service was good and the wine selection was excellent. Ten years later, at age 60, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could dine in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean. Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a lift. Ten years later, aged 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before and heard it was quite good........... 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 17/11-2015 16:27
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family. No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets." The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared. Life is short, smile while you still have teeth. Give me an Amen brother! "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 18/11-2015 10:42
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you doing?' The daughter replied: 'mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.' The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: 'dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.' A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked: 'What the #@!* are you doing?' The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my son-in-law.' |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 19/11-2015 14:18
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows: Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you. Love, Becky The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note: Dear Becky, I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take Care, Ricky. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 19/11-2015 21:54
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Superadministrator Antal indlæg: 6782 |
Link: http://metro.co.u...m-5511423/ Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 20/11-2015 07:22
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 20/11-2015 07:23
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
George > wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The > doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've > regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't > remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the motorway. > You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and > everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident, > and we couldn't find it." George groans, but the > doctor goes on, "You have £9,000 in insurance > compensation coming, and we now have the technology to build > a new penis. They work great, but they don't come cheap. > It's roughly £1,000 an inch." So, the doctor says, > "You must decide how many inches you want. But > understand that you have been married for over thirty years, > and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If > you had a five-incher before and get a nine-incher now, she > might be a bit put out. If you had a nine-incher before and > you decide to only invest in a five-incher now, she might be > disappointed. It's important that she is involved in > helping you make a decision." George agrees to > talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next > day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?" > "Yes, I have," says George. "And has she > helped you make a decision?" "Yes", says > George. "What is your decision?" asks the doctor. > "We're getting granite worktops for the > kitchen." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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