. Det er fanme alverdens ting man kan få lavet nu om dage. 
Nyheder
Se indlæg
 Dagens joke
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 23/12-2015 03:57
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 Ekspert medlem  Antal indlæg: 2688 |
https://www.faceb...89/?type=3 "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 23/12-2015 22:12
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 Superadministrator  Antal indlæg: 6782 |
Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| dutling68 |
Lagt på d. 24/12-2015 10:12
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 Erfarent medlem  Antal indlæg: 1381 |
fejl
Jeg brugte de fleste af mine penge på sprut, kvinder og hurtige biler. Resten ødslede jeg væk...........
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 26/12-2015 15:50
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Be Carefull A brunette, a redhead and a blonde all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed their boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her. After all, she never called in or came back to the office when she left early, so how was she to know? The next day, they all three left the office right after the boss left. The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the health club before meeting her dinner date. The blonde was very happy to be home, but when she got to the bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS. Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day at coffee break, the brunette and redhead decided they were leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was coming with them. "NO WAY," she exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday!" "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 27/12-2015 04:21
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
En ny fyr kommer til byen og går ind på en bar og ser en kæmpestor krukke fyldt til randen med 10 dollar sedler på bardisken. Fyren er overbevist om, at der må være flere tusind dollar i den krukke og spørger bartenderen: - "Du, hvad er pointen med den krukke fuld af penge?". Bartenderen siger:- "Ja, du betaler 10 dollar og hvis du klarer 3 prøver, så vil du få hele krukken med alle pengene." - "Hvilke 3 prøver er det?" spørger manden. - "Du må betale først, sådan er reglerne" siger bartenderen. Manden betaler de 10 dollar, og bartenderen lægger dem ned til de andre penge i krukken og siger: - "Det du skal gøre er...først skal du drikke en hel liter tequila, og du må ikke lave grimasser, mens du drikker. Så skal du gå ud i baggården, der ligger en pitbull med tandpine. Du skal fjerne tanden med de bare hænder. Til slut så ligger der en kælling på 90 år, som aldrig har haft en orgasme, og det skal du altså ændre på." - "Okay......" siger manden...., "jeg ved at jeg er blevet snydt for 10 dollar, men jeg er ikke dum. Man skal jo være idiot for at drikke en liter tequila og så gøre alt det der." - "Det bestemmer du selv", siger bartenderen....., "men pengene bliver i krukken." Manden tager sig nogle øl og bliver for hver flaske mere og mere fuld. Han hamrer til sidst panden i bardisken. Bartenderen tror, at fyren er besvimet, men pludselig springer manden op og siger: - "Hhhsvorr? ?? err den teeqeelahn?" Han griber flasken med tequila og skyller den ned. Tårene triller ned over hans ansigt, men der kommer ikke en eneste grimasse. Så stabler han sig på benene og vralter ud i baggården mod pitbullen. De besøgende i baren hører en del pibende lyde, bjæffen, knurren, et langt ulvelignende hyl og til slut stilhed... De fleste er nu sikre på, at manden er blevet dræbt af pitbullen og tager deres hatte af for den tapre fyr. Pludselig bliver døren slået op, og ind kommer fyren med oprevet skjorte, sår og bidemærker over hele kroppen. - "NÅ?!?"...siger manden...."Hvor er den kælling med tandpinen?!" "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 27/12-2015 09:39
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 28/12-2015 11:23
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A girl came skipping home from school one day "Mommy, Mommy!" she yelled. "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10! See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good." said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" Yes, it's because you're blonde." her mother replied. The next day, the girl came skipping home from school, "Mommy, Mommy!" she yelled. "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good." said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde" . The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy!" she yelled. "We were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36C's. "Very good." said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "No, honey. It's because you're 25." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Asian Farmer |
Lagt på d. 28/12-2015 23:41
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 Øvet medlem  Antal indlæg: 445 |
En jyde , en sjællænder og en Neger sidder i venteværelset på fødegangen . De er pisse nervøse og endelig kommer en sygeplejerske ind og siger tillykke !! I er alle 3 blevet fædre til en søn , men nu skal i høre .. Alle tre fødte samme til og midt i stressen har vi mistet kontrollen over hvis der er hvis , så kan vi ikke bare aftale i tager hver en og så er det bare sådan ??? Jo det kunne de godt , Jyden rejser sig og tager Neger baby . Du kan nok se han er Neger spørger sygeplejerske ?! Jo sagde Jyden , men hellere tage negeren med det samme end risikere at komme hjem med en sjællænder............. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 29/12-2015 15:16
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles a day. One day, he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tanned all over except his 'thing.' So, he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach, completely undressed himself and buried in the sand, except for his 'thing,' which he left sticking out. Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the 'thing' sticking up out of the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other lady, "There's no justice in the world." "Well," said the old lady, "When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. Now I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild on the beach and I'm too old to squat!" 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 30/12-2015 10:16
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Be careful what you ask for An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals,' he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could, up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again & the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant moment, the Atheist cried out: 'Oh my God!' Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, tell others that I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Now you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer after all?' The atheist looked directly into the light and said: 'It would be hypocritical of me, to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?' 'Very well', said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. The bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and said: 'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty, through Christ our Lord, Amen!' "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 01/01-2016 15:42
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
At least he tried I was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching my wife who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off I asked what she'd like to have for her birthday. 'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her birthday, I arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! I put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later we staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. I then took her to a McDonald's and ordered her a Happy Meal with extra chips and a chocolate milk shake. Then it was off to the pictures, popcorn, a drink of coke, and her favorite sweets, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home and collapsed into bed exhausted. I leaned over my wife and with a big smile lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?' Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you f***ing idiot!!!' The moral of the story:................ Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong!!!!!!!. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| vandango |
Lagt på d. 01/01-2016 18:33
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 3980 |
Muslim kid just got of school and he got into the car with his mom. The mom asks, "What did you do at school today?" The kid replies, "I had sex with the teacher." The mom was furious so when they got home, she told him to go to his room and wait for his father to come home. Well the father came home from work a couple hours later and the mother told him what their son said. The dad walks up to his sons room and says, "Alah Akbar Son, I'm proud of you. I'm going to buy you a new bike." Later that day they got the bike and the father asks, "Would you like to try it out?" The son replies, "Not now. My butt still hurts. [img]http://www.gruenauge.com/img/lives/lives_india54.jpg[/img] is not a valid Image. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 03/01-2016 08:39
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having ***, like: "I'm tired." "I'm washing my hair." "I've got a headache." I am your sister-in-law. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A woman in labour is in pain and screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital bed. He says, "Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass, but N-O-O-O-O, you said that might hurt! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was delighted. I spent another $2,000 on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic. I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she couldn't thank me enough. But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she goes ****** nuts! Women, I can't figure them out. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A mother in law said to her son's wife when their baby was born, "I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son." The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said, "I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy, not a ****** photo-copier." Godt nytaar !! 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 04/01-2016 05:09
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits at the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies: "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I'm in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each me brothers and one for me self." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that me wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. But it hasn't affected me brothers though." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Thjaa |
Lagt på d. 04/01-2016 12:16
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 Meget øvet medlem  Antal indlæg: 644 |
KUN i Thailand ... LOOL https://www.faceb...239278297/ https://www.faceb...239278297/ jeg kan ik få den FB film fram så i må klik på linket Livet er forkort til store problemmer
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| Asian Farmer |
Lagt på d. 05/01-2016 23:07
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Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 445 |
Det var snestorm og blondinen kørte vild. Hun gik ikke i panik, for hun huskede sin fars ord: "Bliver du udsat for en snestorm, så vent til der kommer en sneplov og følg så efter den". Ganske snart kom sneploven og hun fulgte den. Da der var gået en halv times tid, standsede sneploven og chaufføren kom hen til hende og bankede på ruden. Da blondinen åbnede vinduet, sagde chaufføren: ”Nu er jeg færdig med snerydningen her hos Bilka, vil du med over til Aldi"? |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 06/01-2016 17:13
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
TANJOOBERRYMUTTS You may have seen this before...... I have not completed the joke pages as yet to see where you are all at..........  By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND"TANJOOBERRYMUTTS"...and be ready for room service in China. Now, here goes... The following is a telephonic exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and room-service in China...... Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees." Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service." Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???" Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs." Room Service: "Ow ulai den?" Guest: ".....What??" Room Service: "Ow ulai den?!?... Pryed, boyud, pochd?" Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please." Room Service: "Ow ulai dee bayken ? Creepse?" Guest: "Crisp will be fine." Room Service: "Hokay. An sahn toes?" Guest: "What?" Room Service: "An toes. Ulai sahn toes?" Guest: "I... Don't think so.." RoomService: "No? Udo wan sahn toes???" Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wansahn toes' means." RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Uoo don wan toes? Ow bow Anglishmoppin we botter?" Guest: "Oh, English muffin! !! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine." RoomService: "We botter?" Guest: "No, just put the botter on the side." RoomService: "Wad?!?" Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side." RoomService: "Copy?" Guest: "Excuse me?" RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?" Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything." RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken , Anglish moppin,we botter on sigh and copy ... Rye ??" Guest: "Whatever you say." RoomService: "Tanjooberrymutts." Guest: "You're welcome" Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS' __________________ I Remember It ...............All Too Well Travel. As much as you can. As far as you can. Life's not meant to be lived in one place. 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 07/01-2016 08:25
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray,twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview. “Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?” "Morris Feinberg," he replied. “Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?” “For 67 years.” “67 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?” “I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews, and the Muslims.” “I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.” “I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man.” “I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests.” And finally “I pray that everyone will be happy” “How do you feel after doing this for 67 years?” "Like I'm talking to a f**king brick wall!" "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 08/01-2016 10:11
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked. "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." "Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!" "Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 09/01-2016 11:28
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take my license away, and now today you expect me to show it to you?' .......................................................... KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!' BLONDE ON TIME A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'Helllooooo. . . ,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs' "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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