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 Dagens joke
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 02/12-2014 13:14
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 Ekspert medlem  Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ?' The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.' Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, 'I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.' Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom. 'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be? 'Up here - we go by results,' says Saint Peter. 'When you preached - people slept.' 'When he flew, people prayed 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 04/12-2014 13:36
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Man gets "Wendy", his intended's name, tattooed down the length of his penis. While honeymooning in Jamaica and at the urinal he sees the native next to him has "We" at the head of his penis. Curious he asks the man if his wife's name is Wendy too. The man obligingly shows him the rest of his tattoo-"Welcome to Jamaica Mon have a nice day"!
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Thomas72 |
Lagt på d. 05/12-2014 15:41
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 Erfarent medlem  Antal indlæg: 1392 |
Til Jer der rejser til Thailand for første gang, pas på!.
Thailand er vanedannende, stærk vanedannende!. Jeg ved hvad Jeg taler om. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 06/12-2014 04:15
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for ***. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love. About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, 'Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?' Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, 'Honey, please... just one more time before I die.' She says, 'Of course, Dear,' and they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep. Morris, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. 'Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could...' At this point the wife sits up and says, 'Listen Morris, enough is enough. I have to get up in the morning... you don't!'
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 07/12-2014 06:17
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
What Starts with F and ends with K A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!' Ms.. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?' Harry: '9.' Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?' Harry: '36.' And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade' Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..' The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms.. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?' Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.' Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?' The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: 'Pockets.' Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?' Harry: 'Pants.' The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?' The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.' Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?' Harry: 'Shake hands.' The principal was trembling. Ms.. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?' Harry: 'Firetruck.' The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...' |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 08/12-2014 06:29
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
Father Son talk A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.” |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 08/12-2014 14:43
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A man staggers into Accident and Emergency with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of the cow's bum". "That's when I made my big mistake." "What did you do?" asks the doctor. "Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and shouted to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!" "I don't remember much after that!" 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 09/12-2014 01:57
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
JINGLE BELL "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 11/12-2014 08:47
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
The owner of a golf course on the Gold Coast was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, You graduated from the University of Queensland and I need some help. If I was to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off? The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, Everything but my earrings. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 13/12-2014 12:47
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
En personlig favorit.... Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?" The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth." So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?" The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did He has only one eye!" The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!" The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office. The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or Outstanding about this man?" "Yes! He only has one ear!" The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!" The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office. The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or Unusual about this man?" The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses. " The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?" The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With only One eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 16/12-2014 01:46
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
An Australian, an Irishman and an Englishman were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. It was a man. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before, when suddenly the Irishman cried out 'My God, I know who that man is. It's Jesus!' The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table. The Irishman calls out, 'Hey! You!!! Are you Jesus?' The man looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. ‘Yes, I am Jesus' he says. The Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him 'I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me..' So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to his table. Jesus looks over, raises his glass, smiles thank you and drinks. The Englishman then calls out, 'Errr, excuse me Sir, but would you be Jesus?' Jesus smiles and says, 'Yes, I am Jesus.' The Englishman beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a Pint of Newcastle Brown Ale for Jesus. This the bartender duly does. As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the men. Then the Australian calls out, 'Oi, you! D'ya reckon you're Jesus, or what?' Jesus nods and says, 'Yes, I am Jesus.' The Australian is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over Pot of Victoria Bitter for Jesus, this he accepts with pleasure. Some time later, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches the three men. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement. Oh God, the arthritis is gone,' he says. 'The arthritis I've had for years is gone. It's a miracle!' Jesus then shakes the hand of the Englishman, thanking him for the Newcastle Brown Ale. Upon letting go, the Englishman's eyes widen in shock. By Jove', he exclaims, 'The migraine I've had for over 40 years is completely gone. It's a Miracle!' Jesus then approaches the Australian, who has a terrified look on his face. The Aussie whispers.'Piss off mate, I'm on Workers Comp' "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 18/12-2014 03:31
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter. St. Peter asks the first girl, "Jessica, have you ever had any contact with a penis?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate." All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her arse in it". 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 26/12-2014 07:18
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
WARNING FOR ICY CONDITIONS A Government warning has said that anyone travelling in icy conditions should take: Shovel, blankets or sleeping bag Extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves 24 hours supply of food and drink De-Icer 5Kgs of Rock Salt Torch or lantern with spare batteries Road Flares and Reflective Triangles Tow rope 5 gallon petrol can First Aid Kit Jump Leads I looked like a complete prat on the bus this morning… "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Papa |
Lagt på d. 26/12-2014 18:46
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 Øvet medlem  Antal indlæg: 245 |
Boes skrev: WARNING FOR ICY CONDITIONS A Government warning has said that anyone travelling in icy conditions should take: Shovel, blankets or sleeping bag Extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves 24 hours supply of food and drink De-Icer 5Kgs of Rock Salt Torch or lantern with spare batteries Road Flares and Reflective Triangles Tow rope 5 gallon petrol can First Aid Kit Jump Leads I looked like a complete prat on the bus this morning… Igen et godt grin fra Boes!!! 
"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that."  |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 27/12-2014 05:50
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
A Blonde in Alabama Church An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie, and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood?".......................Nothing. "Remember, you will be forgiven, and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression!" Again, all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan . I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets." The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the Congregation roared! Life is Short. ............................... Smile while you still have teeth.!!!. Give me an Amen Brother !!!! |
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| Conrad |
Lagt på d. 27/12-2014 07:52
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Meget øvet medlem  Antal indlæg: 959 |
FARTBØDE Manden har lige købt sig en ny BMW M3,og er ude at checke grænser af. Han har lige passeret 150 km/t da han ser de blå blink fra en politimotorcykel bag sig. Han beslutter sig til at køre fra den og sætter hastigheden op til 200 km/t, men må alligevel opgive efter flere kilometer, og kører ind i nødsporet og standser. Betjenten kommer hen til vinduet med hele bogholderiet under armen, læner sig let mod BMW'en og siger: "Jeg har haft en ualmindelig skidt uge, ikke andet end problemer hele vejen igennem. Hvis du har en undskyldning jeg ikke har hørt før, så gider jeg ikke skrive dig" Manden siger: "Der var en politibetjent der løb med min kone i sidste uge, og lige da jeg så de blå blink troede jeg det var ham, der ville levere hende tilbage!" Betjenten: "God weekend" |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 27/12-2014 17:23
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
An Arab family was considering putting their grandfather Abdullah in a nursing home. All the Arab Facilities were completely full,so they had to put him in an Italian home. After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa. "How do you like it here?" Asked the grandson. It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," said grandpa. "We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you since you are a little different from everyone." "Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents,"Abdullah said with a big smile. "There's a musician here - he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years, and everyone still calls him Maestro! There is a judge in here - he's 95 year old.. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him Your Honor. There's a dentist here - 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years, and everyone still calls him Doctor! And Me – I haven't had *** for 45 years, and they still call me The ****** Arab. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 31/12-2014 09:42
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical/sexual relationship. "How do you feel about ***?" he asked, rather tentatively. "I would like it infrequently," she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 31/12-2014 12:25
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 Superadministrator  Antal indlæg: 6782 |
Godt Nytår til jer alle :-) Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 01/01-2015 07:25
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Rigtigt godt nytår "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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